OCPD can happen to both men and women.

I am no psychologist, so take everything I say with a grain a salt.

Hopefully your mate or spouse has been diagnosed and you are coping with your own particular circumstance.

This blog will be devoted to married individuals who’s spouse has OCPD.  Hopefully it will give you some insight as to how to deal with your situation.

From here on in, I consider all of the content I write as my opinion. I am writing this from my point of view, not from years of research or study, it just reflects my own personal experience with living with the same individual for almost 20 years.

The OCPD individual really doesn’t get better, with time they get worst.  When they get in their 50’s they will want everyone to follow them blindly and obediently.  You will be a slave or you will fight, but what you should do is leave as soon as possible.  Get out. Get away.  Leave.  Life is a wonderful thing and you and every person deserves to live a reasonable life.  Don’t live it under someone else’s misery.  If you have children, get them out as OCPD is a learned behavior.  Save them now!

For me, this blog will be a way to shed light on the torture my daughter and I am going through.  You see, for me it is a female, my wife, I believe who has OCPD.  No she hasn’t been diagnosed, she refuses to seek any sort of counseling, family, medical (to talk about it) or directly to a psychologist.  Perhaps the fact she refuses means that she’s too far gone, as it seems most people are at least willing to seek counseling as a way to improve their own marriages, but not my wife, and I think this might be because of the family support she gets, or at least they don’t talk about it and display more of a ‘everything is happy and fine’ attitude.

Living with someone who has OCPD has been extremely rough.  There’s the daily taunting, insults, cursing, putdowns and even mocking (reminds me of a 7 year old). Now she’s told me she’s also having an affair (last week) and that she knows what I’m writing online, that she has spy’s watching me and reporting to her.  Are these things true?  Are they just meant to hurt?  I figure this aspect like so many others is just the abuse I and my daughter will have to endure until we can get out.

Instead of getting caught up in her rages, I myself focus on the positive and in helping my daughter get through living with a parent who has obsessive compulsive personality disorder (ocpd). I’m pretty sure you’ll be shocked as this blog develops.  You’ll find out living with someone, perhaps only this example of an OCPD person, is really like living with the trauma of a car accident every day.

So, if you’ve met my wife and think my soon-to-be ex-wife is really wonderful, think again. You know about Ted Bundy don’t you? He was a very charming individual.   In the end you can only trust yourself. In any given situation you can think that all is safe, but in an instant things can change. Life isn’t so simple and depending on what you’re confronted with on the street, or in the home, you have to find a way to navigate to a safe place.

Of course all that I just wrote was negative, and people don’t want to hear or see anything negative, unless they themselves are trying to get over something traumatic. As I said people need to be able to function and that means staying positive, so you can imagine how living with someone with OCPD is like sliding on sandpaper. But at the same time, people must know the truth and embrace that information in order to avoid it, or help others in need. In my own case my wife’s own sociopathic tendencies are so well honed that she paints a really rosy picture of her life. She’s engaging, laughs, hugs people and really makes them feel like she’s their best friend. But they’ll find when she moves they’ll never hear from her again… she’s used you and no longer needs you.

And to those I say, ‘if the life you see as painted by my wife is so great, why the hell am I divorcing her? Why has my child said she wants to kill herself? Why am I registered at a safe house for parents with kids just in case? Why was I silent for 16 years about my marriage (although tortured, the sociopathic aspect made it seem like a mountain to overcome in order to convince others that something was really really wrong), but when I discovered the definition of OCPD, and after crying for a few days because I realized that my wife had no chance of recovery, became vocal about my daughters situation and put her immediately into counseling?’

In my own life, while staying strong for my daughter, I’m surprised more people don’t ask, ‘how’s it going?’ Some do, and in fact there are a few who are actually helping behind the scenes to get my house sold so we have the means to get away.

A couple people looked at me with suspicion when I explained my situation. I don’t blame them. How are they to know what’s the truth. Still I look at them and realize they think ‘ it’s just typical domestic fights’, and not that my soon-to-be ex-wife actually has a disorder, because she always seems so rosy and happy.’

 

UPDATE INTRO, December 18th, 2013

I’ve been on my own for 2 plus years now and wow what a difference it has made on my life.  I’m back at a normal weight, my hair isn’t falling out any more, I look and feel happier and am engaging in the positive things life has to offer again.  I have a split mediated (mediation was a free service offered by NYC that I signed us up for and it worked great as my ‘ex’ was unwilling to expose her unreasonable behavior in front of a stranger, so we have an equal and ‘fair’ arrangement) care of my daughter and have set it up so that every week is split between my ‘ex’ and myself, so that my ‘ex’ can get her act together before seeing my child.  This has worked out pretty well with a few bumps.  I am hopeful still that my child will have a relationship with a more positive maternal partner and that 3+ days in her care isn’t too much for her to handle and won’t result in abusive behavior on my child.  For myself, we have a dog, a guinea pig, a couple of fish so essentially I’m trying to create a positive and happy household for my child.

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