It has been a while since I first created this blog. I do appreciate the comments but will not reply to any questions or comments as I am not a professional.
In many ways my own life has improved, and I’m still grateful for not having to live the day and nightmare that was my previous existence. What I’m disappointed with is my own daughters behavior, which I believe she’s aware of and struggles with. Essentially she has some of the characteristics of her OCPD mother’s behavior. She is also aware that it affects me. In this light I only wish I had the avenue to leave earlier in her life so her mother’s behavior would have less of an impact.
I’m not perfect either, getting caught up in work and having the energy draining effects of a stomach condition (which can seem like I am lazy), perhaps an ulcer, but have never yielded in giving my daughter positive behavior, positive support and just simply doing the right thing. Just the other day I said “oh you look nice today” because she did and it helps her own self-esteem (which all teens struggle with).
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Comment from “LizaJane”
It just struck me… OCPDers are like birds. If you’ve ever had a pet bird, you might know that it’s awfully hard to know when they are sick.
Wild birds try to never show illness or injury because predators will see that they are easy prey. OCPDers must put out the illusion that everything is perfect in order not to feel anxiety about how just how hard they are trying to pretend that they are OK.
Sometimes I want to take myself by the neck and shout: “YOU’RE AFRAID OF NOTHING!!! [i][b]NOTHING!!!! [/b][/i]GET OVER IT!”
I liked your analogy. I've always felt this to be true, that my ocpd wife builds an illusion. My neighbor I suspect of OCPD as well, she now lives alone as her husband left her and moved to another state. The neighbor has a perfect looking house, there's even an ornamental flag in the front of her townhouse, perfect fence, an old fashioned lamp post and one time she even poured concrete over her entire backyard because of the plants that grew out there (hated how dirty the leaves made her backyard look). She modified that when rain water started pouring into her house, but it does look perfect. I suspect she has ocpd because now that she's older and without a husband she's been venting on neighbors, even me calling me mean when I was trying to help her with something. That's when it hit me that she's probably just like my wife (before I knew what OCPD was btw, but had a lot of the same characteristics.
While I agree with your analogy I don't think most ocpd people think of it that way. I think they're totally oblivious to everything they do as they don't compare it to a normal standard or know how to put things in perspective, at least this is my wife and because of enabling from her family she believes herself to be perfect. But I do think it's reflective of the situation, that they are injured but put on appearances that they're not. I've had people tell me how wonderful my wife could be, that when a kid got a scratch she pulled out a first aid kit and wasn't that just great. I suggested that being so great can take a lot of time and that they're might be other things that are important but my point was totally missed because this individual was practically enamored with my wife's perfection and apparent (public) demeanor.
OCPD has so many layers to it. Finding analogies to put many of the characteristics in place is really helpful. Thanks.
Welcome to OCPD Living, a place for the spouse who is living with someone who has OCPD.